Thursday, May 22, 2008

Sabbatical?


I'm supposed to be studying right now. Slap bang in the middle of my exams. I've cleaned cupboards, sorted books and papers, cooked, eaten, and everything else. Now I'm blogging again. Well, just one post to keep my eye in - it's been bloody ages. Dunno how this is gonna pan out - I blog when the mood strikes, and work doesn't allow blogging. so the mood has to strike after work - which doesn't happen very much at all ;)

I'm having an affair...

She's a dark temptress. I'm with her all the time these days. Everyone is always telling me she's a bad influence, that she's not good for me - but to me she's sweet, effervescent and she always manages to cheer me up. I once decided to break it off and went a whole 6 months without her. I saw her around a lot though and pretty much inevitably wound up back in her arms. It's almost as if I'm addicted to her. Our relationship began so long ago I can hardly remember when it started. I think I was about 6 or 7 when we met, and very soon after that we consummated our relationship. She tastes so sweet...

OK fine I'm talking about Coca Cola ;)

And in other news -

My maid has forfeited her steel wool privileges. No more will my tender plastics and utensils feel the brunt of her steely wrath. I've thrown all the steel wool out. She can scrub just fine with a sponge.

I've been receiving a lot of anti xenophobia invites through stuff like facebook. First of all - this is gonna be over in a week or two, then I would have to go through all the trouble of leaving the group. Second - yeah sure it's xenophobia and we can all agree its bad, but then you'd have to join all the other crap we all think is bad, and where would that stop? Join the anti-nazi group, the anti-racism group, the anti-anti group, the anti-cancer group, anti-genocide? If people already condemn it, what point joining a group? It's not as if there's a pro-xenophobia group. Is there? Third - are these fuckers who're killing each other on facebook? Are they on the internet? Do they know what the internet is?

I guess what I'm saying is I'm way too cynical to join stuff like that - this is just my point of view though. I think one of my groups is a cynicism one anyway. I join groups cos it's easier than writing out my likes and dislikes in my profile.

Well that came off pretty darn preachy. In my defence - it's been a while since I've done this ;)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tired And Sick


I haven't blogged in a while now. Think it's cos I was busy having fun - also haven't had inspiration on what to write. Occasionally I do feel the need to blog personal shit, but most times I try for a lightness, something funny - I like love to laugh, and hate being sad.

I'm coming down with something. Right now one nostril is clogging up, and my throat has been scratchy since yesterday. Feeling kinda drowsy from all the meds too. This sucks! Hope its over before the long weekend this Friday.

If you feel in the mood for a laugh - visit www.cracked.com - it always sets me right.

Found this on bash.org -
<jess> So whats the difference between the mormons and the muslims??
<jess> The mormons want their 72 virgins now

Monday, April 14, 2008

In The Kitchen


I spent the weekend baking and getting baked. First I got an ounce from a guy, and made canna-butter on Thursday. I ignored the warnings to wear gloves, so absorbed a little through my fingers. Slightly tipsy Thursday night then. Saturday morning everything was ready and I made me some "gluten-free magic chocolate cake and muffins". Then Sunday we ate em ;)

Turns out we got the munchies real bad, so we ate everything in my place and got KFC and Fontanas chicken. Watched Sealab 2021 projected onto my wall, which is plain simply awesome when you're high. Sealab is already awesome, it was just that much more. Giggled at just about everything. I recall laughing till I cried. Not sure what was so funny though.

Woke up this morning, should have gone back to sleep. although I wouldn't have woken up again then. Turns out I'm still trippin. I'm dizzy right now still. Work was sooooo interesting. Had to keep asking myself "Wait, what am I supposed to be doing? What was I just doing now?"

Man I feel sleepy...

Man I got tagged...

I'll do my 6-word thingie later.

Hey that's 6 words...

...

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Let's get this weekend started


I got a little outta control last night. All it took was one mediocre caipirinha and a strawberry daiquiri... No... No it's not a gay drink... it's totally a manly drink... I prefer to think of it as the blood of 1000 strawberry's makes it that color... crushed like my enemies under my heel. See - totally manly ;)

It's been an interesting week. Well when I say interesting I mean dull. It was interesting that it was dull. I blame telkom though. Haven't had internet all week. But it's back now.

Lemme see what's new...

I need a haircut! Maybe. I never know what length is good. It's starting to curl right now though, and getting a little long on the back. When I think about that the theme from Ducktales starts playing in my head - "
Life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg, Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes - it's a duck blur, You might solve a mystery or rewrite history, Duck Tails, WOo-oo"

Oh my parent's flew back from Orlando on Monday. Mom delivered a baby on the plane. Hehe - there was a doctor on board but the pregnant woman had some religious thing, muslim/islam - I don't know. So only another woman was allowed, or her husband. Mom hasn't been a nurse for about 27 years now but she's delivered hundreds of babies so it was cool ;)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

A weekend of introspective


Here's another one, although don't click here if you're easily offended ;)

Funnily enough I spent most of the weekend indoors sipping hot chocolate. I really tear through the stuff in cold weather. Mostly that's because I know how to make it the "proper" way. Firstly - only Nestlè will do, no other hot chocolate they sell locally tastes better. Second - FOLLOW the damn instructions on the tin! Thats all there is to it, it's not that complicated, dunno why you keep fucking it up.

I must say a woman who knows how to make hot chocolate properly immediately gets an extra point on my scale out of ten. And vice versa - I was a visiting a girl with a friend of mine, doing our IT thing to get her laptop going again, middle of winter. She kindly offered to make us hot chocolate. Being the manwhores that we are, we can't say no to that. As she turns to leave, she asks how many sugars we want... That shoulda been the sign. Sugar?!? In hot chocolate? I knew then and there she was a philistine.

No matter that she was hot - she dropped about a point right then, and another when the hot chocolate arrived. I had to ask her if she'd just stirred the water with a spoon that had been near the hot chocolate for a few seconds or something. It was watery as hell. We did our thing and headed straight back home for some Publish Postreal hot chocolate.

I come off as a total fanatic right there huh? We prefer the term "purist". Hehe. I've been reading way too much of The Cynic's Sanctuary as well this weekend. Trying to find something on their list to not be cynical about. It's hard realizing you're a cynic... Actually - it's easy, you just try to wonder why everyone isn't already ;)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Bones To Pick


I bought a big bag of chappies bubblegum over the weekend. Nothing like sugary rubber! It say assorted fruit flavors on the bag and should contain 200. Well it's not assorted. I count 3 types - red, green... and banana, with banana by far the most prevalent. Grabbing a handful I counted 6 banana's before I hit a red.There was a green left and 2 more bananas. I HATE banana flavor chappies. I think I got given roughly 150 banana flaovors and the rest green and red. Does anyone even know what green and red are supposed to be? Cherry and apple?

What the hell is wrong with the Joburg Roads Agency? There's fucking potholes everywhere. I'm gonna have to take my car to get my wheels aligned again soon. Do yourself and everyone a favor today people, report a pothole - even if it's just to see how useless they can prove themselves to be.

And that brings to a close my bones to pick. It feels pretty cool when you realise that's the full extent of what's annoying you. My life is awesome ;)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Randomness Has Got Me Again

Help....? ;)

You know what irritates me? Astrology! Here's a website that explains the whole sordid mess, and it's written for kids, so that even they can realise it's all a bunch of crap. Why people stop believing in Santa Claus but carry on reading the horoscopes every morning is beyond me. The Japaneses have a way that makes marginal more sense, and it's based around your blood type. It's also a bunch of crap, but is slightly more believable than "I'm not in control of my life - a bunch of stars a billion miles away are".

Then again, I suppose those things seem more like a religion than scientology. Don't even get me started ;)

I suppose a post like this is inevitable, considering I can't blog at work, so I get to surf a LOT. Here's some linklove -

Midget Goat Porn - self explanatory really.
An Awareness Test - I failed ;)
BIBLE FIGHT!
I finished this and never noticed - Dammit!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

If Wishes were Fishes....


I'd be fishing with dynamite ;)

Although I dunno if you'd say these were really wishes, maybe dreams, or daydreams. Basically you tell yourself "Wouldn't it be cool if..."

I could fly. Like that guy in Heroes.

My farts smelled like vanilla (or coconut, not sure which is better - oooh vanilla AND coconut). Then I'd probably fart more, and in public. People would be requesting farts. Awesome! Why don't we have EVERYONE's smell like vanilla, or individual scents. Your own personal brand ;)

I had a photographic memory. School woulda been such a breeze. actually it was a breeze anyway, but it would've been more so.

If mosquito's only sucked out pimples and not your blood. I'm telling you they could genetically engineer that. People would be throwing away the tabard and mosquito nets.

I've shown you mine - what are yours? ;)

Thursday, February 28, 2008

The Social Dynamic


I went out last night with some mates, ostensibly just to catch up. We decided to hit news café because its close and we’re lazy. Had a couple of drinks, ordered some food, then did the normal guy thing – talk shit and look at women ;)

There was one guy there, I felt sorry for the dude. You could see the hopelessness, futility , and what's sad is he doesn’t even realize it. This guy and his buddy’s had been drinking from before we arrived, and were trying for anything - The chick selling jagerbombs for R30 each, those sorts of dead-ends. Then these 3 chicks arrive. Attractive enough, the one was wearing pants I have boxer shorts longer than; maximizing her best assets etc. her legs just went on forever. They sit down, and there’s blondie, legs, brunette an empty 4th chair. After about 15 minutes, this dude musters the courage (very probably the Dutch kind) and plonks himself down and starts chatting. Now we’re watching this and thinking “That guys not going home alone tonight”.

Then his mates get in on it. They were all sitting a table away, about 6 of them, and they start to intrude. It starts when one guy positions himself right between 2 of the chicks, starts talking to the blonde. The dude was trying his luck with brunette. Suddenly the rest of the group of guys are all there, cockblocking the shit outta the dude. And we watched the evening progress. Out of this group, only a few of these guys manage to strike up conversation. One guy talks to brunette, the same first guy continues talking to blondie, legs is left alone. The rest of the guys sit back with sour expressions, not even talking to each other. It’s only when the dude gets up and moves around the table do we realize how much Dutch courage the dude imbibed. He was holding onto chairs for support, and staggered over to sit next to legs. I don’t imagine a guy that wasted could say anything remotely charming though, and sure enough legs was soon chatting to brunette, both of them ignoring all the guys.

At this point the dude must have been in epic torture. His grand schemes derailed by his so called mates. He gets back up and staggers around the table, then completely misses the chair sitting down. Queue big scene, sympathy, mates doing their “I’m taking care of my drunk friend” routine. I think at that stage everybody realized the party was over, and my mates and I were in danger of laughing too loud – not a safe thing to try with drunk guys around. Altogether a night of good clean fun laughing at other peoples misfortune ;)

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Cannot think of a title



I may just be slightly wasted whilst writing this, so it may seem a bit rambly stream of consciousness sort of vibe.

Word of advice to all the ladies out there... actually to everyone - if you're on a date, take your fucking sunglasses off! I don't care that they're dkny or whatever, how the fuck am I supposed to speak to you seriously when I can't see your eyes? Actually - leave them on, cos if you're that kinda person anyway, it gives me advance warning that this isn't going anywhere anyway. You're too shallow and vapid for me. I want someone I can be real with.

Just got back from watching Jumpers. It was Ho Hum. I really wanna see Sweeny Todd, Fool's Gold and Michael Clayton next. Anyone feel like going to watch movies? My movie wingman is in France right now. Bastard! I miss you guys already ;)

My aunt just died today. After almost 2 months of suffering. It was not nice. Kinda funny feeling knowing someone isn't going to say anything to you ever again, isn't going to be around ever again. I'm sorta in emotional limbo about it right now. My mate's dad just died on Friday as well. he's having to sort out everything right now. I don't know what to say in these situations, everything I can think of always sounds fake :(